


Drowning (I Thought You'd Never Ask Sequel)

by criesmom



Series: Sporty Skirty University AU [3]
Category: PRISTIN (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, F/F, M/M, Rimming, Soonyoung is a fucking dumbass, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:15:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13124490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criesmom/pseuds/criesmom
Summary: Soonyoung is forced to face his feelings for Seokmin when his best friend gets married. Panic and angst ensues as Soonyoung realises that he isn't in love with his boyfriend afterall.I Thought You'd Never Askisn't required reading but it is recommended !!!





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as Soonyoung woke up, he was far too hot.

Seokmin’s naked body was pressed up against his own, their legs tangled with the thin sheet they had slept under. The bottom sheet of Seokmin’s bed had started to come up around the edges and was bunching around Soonyoung’s feet. The sweat across his body made everything feel sticky and at the centre of it all was the stuffy, inescapable feeling of the morning sun baking him through the curtain.

Feeling like he couldn’t breathe, he hastily extracted himself from the bed, scrambling away from Seokmin’s body heat. Once on his feet, he rushed to throw the window open, only to find that it was horribly humid outside.

Seokmin sat up as Soonyoung shut the window. “You okay?”

Soonyoung lay down on the floor, spreading out his arms and legs so he wasn’t touching himself. “It’s so fucking hot.”

With a chuckle, Seokmin propped himself up on his elbow and pointed to the mini fridge. “There’s water in there, and the top shelf has ice packs.”

Soonyoung was up again in an instant, yanking open the fridge door and fumbling around for an ice pack. He held it against the back of his neck while he grabbed a bottle of water and chugged half of its contents.

When he was finished, Seokmin was looking at him in disbelief. “What is this fucking Mordor? Are you about to die?”

Soonyoung let out a harsh pant, dragging the ice pack down onto his chest. “It’s a damn furnace in here.”

Seokmin shrugged. “Never bothered me. Maybe you’re having a hot flush.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes and crawled to the side of the bed, leaning his chin on the mattress to look up at Seokmin. “Pretty sure I’m not going through menopause.”

Seokmin smiled, but instead of saying anything else, he leant down and pressed his lips to Soonyoung’s. Soonyoung returned the kiss, but just as Seokmin started melting into it, Soonyoung swung his hand around to slap the ice pack onto the back of Seokmin’s neck. He yelped and jumped away from Soonyoung, who rolled back onto the carpet and cackled.

When Soonyoung had cooled down, he climbed back into bed with Seokmin and they made out lazily for a while. This quickly turned into them grinding against each other’s legs and it was only a matter of repositioning before Soonyoung was straddling Seokmin’s hips, jerking him off as he rubbed his own dick along the cleft made between Seokmin’s thighs.

Seokmin was gripping his hips, long fingers reaching out and groping as his ass. “Look how desperate you are, baby.”

Soonyoung whined. “Please can you touch me?”

Seokmin thought for a moment. “Not yet, baby boy.” He gave a soft pinch to Soonyoung’s ass. “Make me cum first and I’ll make you feel good.”

Newly motivated, Soonyoung sped up his hand on Seokmin’s dick, wishing he’d taken the time to lube his hand. His movement against Seokmin’s thighs was limited and only did enough to tease him. He started to lean his head down before Seokmin moved a hand from his ass to his shoulder, stopping him halfway.

“Only your hands, baby.”

Soonyoung huffed. “Why? You know it takes you ages to cum from a hand job.”

Seokmin smiled wickedly. “Exactly.” He reached a hand up to brush Soonyoung’s fringe back from his face, then gripping it harshly. “I want my baby to work for his reward.”

 

Soonyoung swore it had never taken anyone that long to cum. No matter how much pressure he applied, no matter what rhythm he employed, Seokmin seemed to be completely unaffected. Soonyoung felt ridiculous begging someone to cum, but he saw no other way as he deteriorated into pleas and bargains, all the while pumping Seokmin furiously.

When Seokmin finally came – his hands gripping Soonyoung’s hips and his shoulders lifting off the mattress as his stomach flexed – Soonyoung felt relief flood down his body and pool in his balls. He collapsed forward onto Seokmin’s torso, grinding pathetically on his hip and gripping his shoulders as he whimpered. He knew he was desperate and pitiful, but that was what Seokmin had wanted.

Seokmin stroked up and down his spine, hushing him. “Well done, baby. You did so well, angel.”

Soonyoung cursed himself as he damn near purred in response. “Please, Seokmin, I need –”

“I know, baby, I know. Can you sit up for me?”

Soonyoung nodded, slowly lifting himself up so that he was sat on Seokmin’s stomach.

“Good boy.” He patted the mattress either side of his head. “Kneel here.”

The sound Soonyoung let out when he figured out what was about to happen definitely wasn’t the most embarrassing thing he’d ever done, but it was certainly up there. When he had done as Seokmin told him, Seokmin sat up a little so his mouth was level with Soonyoung’s dick. He reached his arms up behind Soonyoung to cup his butt cheeks and licked his lips.

“Time for your reward, baby,” he said, gently kneading the flesh beneath his fingertips. “I’m gonna let you fuck my face.”

Soonyoung keened, placing his hands on the headboard to steady himself. “I don’t think I can.”

Seokmin tutted. “Doesn’t my baby boy want to cum?”

Gritting his teeth and mustering all his strength, Soonyoung pushed his hips forward so that his dick slid smoothly into Seokmin’s mouth.

The sex he and Seokmin had was far from vanilla. The two of them had too many kinks between them and got bored with “normal” sex – with the exception of when they were too tired to do anything more than missionary. But Soonyoung wouldn’t say their sex was without romance, and he felt it in moments like this; when slipping into Seokmin’s mouth felt like coming home after a long journey.

Seokmin’s mouth was warm and soft and wet and Soonyoung didn’t think he would ever get used to it. He soon gained enough energy to thrust his hips more rapidly, desperately chasing his orgasm as Seokmin moaned around him and sent vibrations up his spine.

Just as he felt himself tipping over the edge, he heard his phone go off on the bedside table. Though Soonyoung didn’t make any indication that he was going to answer it, Seokmin’s hands became more firm on his ass, pushing his hips forward and deeper into his mouth. Soonyoung felt the tip of his dick hit the back of Seokmin’s throat, making it spasm a little around him and came with a strangled yelp, Seokmin swallowing around him as his mouth filled with Soonyoung’s cum.

Seokmin kept sucking around him for a while after he came, and Soonyoung let him up to the point that he went into overstimulation. He pulled his dick from Seokmin’s mouth and awkwardly collapsed beside him on the bed, out of breath and sweating profusely.

Seokmin turned on his side, slinging an arm over Soonyoung’s stomach and kissing his temple. “I’ll never get tired of eating your cum.”

Soonyoung grimaced as Seokmin nuzzled the side of his neck. “That’s quite possibly the worst thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Seokmin chuckled, his breath making Soonyoung shiver. “What about when I asked to suck your toes?”

Soonyoung slapped Seokmin’s forearm as it rested on his torso, but he turned his head to give him a languid kiss. Before the kiss was able to get heated, Soonyoung’s phone went off again. He groaned as he detached his lips from Seokmin’s, reaching over and answering the phone.

“Hello?”

Nayoung’s voice on the other end made Soonyoung perk up instantly. “Did you just nut?”

“Nayoung!” he felt his cheeks protest how wide he was smiling and turned to look at Seokmin. “How are you?”

“Answer the question.”

Soonyoung waved a hand even though she couldn’t see. “Yeah, but that’s not important, how are you?”

“I’m good,” he could hear the excitement in her voice, “Soonyoung, we have a date.”

Nayoung was Soonyoung’s ex-girlfriend, and was the last person he’d been in a relationship with before Seokmin. They were childhood friends, and Nayoung had always assured Soonyoung that even though she was a lesbian, she really had loved him when they were sixteen. He had supported her through the coming out process and eventually she had asked him to be the best man at her wedding.

“How far away is it?”

“Two months. Are you still going to be my best man?”

Soonyoung laughed. “Of course I am, I wouldn’t miss it.”

“I love you so much. Hey, you get a plus one so you should bring Seokmin. I wanna meet him.”

Soonyoung looked down at Seokmin, who was staring at him with curiosity. “I’ll ask if he’s available. Hey, can I call you back? I wanna know more but I –”

“You just nutted, I get it,” Nayoung said, laughing. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, congratulations, by the way. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, I’m happy for me too.”

When Soonyoung hung up the phone, Seokmin snaked an arm around his waist and pulled him into his chest. He dragged his hand up and down Soonyoung’s side, kissing the top of his head.

“How is she?”

Soonyoung willed down the lump in his throat. “She’s good. She has a date for the wedding.”

“That’s great,” Seokmin said, squeezing Soonyoung’s shoulder. “You must be so excited.”

“Super excited.” Soonyoung checked the time on his phone. “Oh shit, uh, I gotta get home.”

Seokmin looked up at him quizzically as Soonyoung got out of bed and started picking up items of clothing off the floor. “What’s up?”

“Uh, I promised Wonwoo I was going to help him with something.”

The look on Seokmin’s face told Soonyoung he wasn’t buying it. “What for?”

“I don’t know, soccer stuff?” He pulled on a sock, then added as an afterthought; “Sorry.”

Seokmin shrugged after a beat. “That’s okay, tell him I said hi.”

“Will do.” Soonyoung, now fully clothed, stuffed what he could see of his belongings into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He leant down and placed a chaste kiss on Seokmin’s mouth. “I’ll text you later.”

“Okay, have fun.”

 

Soonyoung saw Chan before he saw Wonwoo.

He was wearing his cheerleading outfit – the university colours of navy blue and canary yellow – with his pom poms in one hand on his hip. He turned when Soonyoung called his name, his skirt fanning out around his waist. His face lit up with a smile as he waved with his entire arm.

“Hey Soonyoung!”

“Hey Chan,” Soonyoung said, adjusting his bag on his shoulder as he came to a standstill next to Chan. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

Chan’s face flushed red as he choked on his own spit. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Soonyoung laughed, looking out onto the football field in front of them. “Yeah, and I didn’t just fuck Lee Seokmin’s face for breakfast.”

Chan rolled his eyes. “You’re disgusting.”

“No, I’m honest,” Soonyoung corrected. He shifted his weight on his feet, nudging Chan with his elbow. “Wonwoo is absolutely your boyfriend. You have him whipped.”

Chan rolled his eyes again, but he was smiling giddily and his blush was painfully obvious on his tan cheeks. “He’s running laps.”

Soonyoung looked out to where the whole football team was running around the field, quickly picking out Wonwoo on the far side. He waited for them to loop around closer to where he and Chan stood, then slinging his bag off his shoulder.

“Could you please hold this for me?”

“Uh, sure, how come?”

Soonyoung didn’t answer, instead running forward through the dewy grass to fall in step next to Wonwoo. Wonwoo gave him a sideways glance, swiping his fringe out of his eyes.

“I thought you were staying with Seokmin.”

Soonyoung hitched his baggy jeans higher up on his hips. “I was. Nayoung’s getting married.”

“That’s not news.”

“We have a date though. And she asked me to bring Seokmin.”

“So?” Wonwoo paused to take a few short breaths. “Take him then.”

“It’s a _wedding_.”

“So?”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “ _So_ , that’s a pretty serious step in a relationship. And he’ll meet my parents and we’ll be slow dancing,” his heart lurched at the thought, “and everyone will be asking about us. It feels a lot more serious than I want things to be.”

“God you always overthink shit. It’s just a wedding, asshole. It’s not that deep.”

Wonwoo’s coach came up behind them and ran on Wonwoo’s other side.

“You better not be distracting my star player, Kwon.”

Soonyoung gave a sarcastic salute. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.”

Wonwoo groaned. “Soonyoung, go wait with Chan before you get me into trouble.”

His coach grunted. “You heard him.”

“All due respect, sir,” Soonyoung started, “but I’m freaking out over going to a wedding with my boyfriend and I need to talk to someone about it. I promise I won’t slow him down or distract him from literally just running around in circles.” He directed this last part at Wonwoo, punctuated with a curt smack on the back of his head. “If anything I’ll keep him more motivated to get away from me.”

The coach laughed at this, going ahead of them to bother one of the other football players. Wonwoo sighed in resignation.

“You’re an asshole and a dumbass and going to a wedding really isn’t that big of a deal. Hell, I’ll take Chan if I’m invited.”

Soonyoung thought about the first time Wonwoo and Nayoung had met. They were partnered together for a biology assignment and Soonyoung had been happy that his girlfriend and his best friend were finally hanging out. That was, until Nayoung was threatening to break up with him because Wonwoo was dragging down her GPA and putting her in danger of failing biology as a whole. She had hated him ever since.

“That’s an empty threat and you know it.”

“What? She’s warming up to me.”

“That’s a single crack in a vast, vast, frozen wasteland.”

Wonwoo scoffed. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

Soonyoung thought about it for a moment. “He could tell me he loves me.”

Wonwoo let out a deep sigh that sagged his shoulders. “I’ve got one more lap then stretches and then we can go home. This is a can of worms I don’t wanna open on the field.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chan joined Soonyoung on the couch, handing him a cup of coffee that Soonyoung thanked him for with enthusiasm.

“If we didn’t both have boyfriends I’d blow you for this,” he said, blowing over the hot liquid to cool it down.

Chan rolled his eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“You keep telling yourself that, kiddo.”

They talked about university work while they waited for Wonwoo to get back; mostly the paper they had met in. Chan was a cheer leading major, which overlapped with one of the dance papers in Soonyoung’s course. Soonyoung had taken an instant liking to Chan, and taken him under his wing. He wasn’t overly happy when he found out the time Chan had been spending at his apartment was mostly because he had a pathetic crush on Wonwoo, but was more than happy to get them together.

When Wonwoo finally came home, Chan was flat on his back on the couch with Soonyoung straddling his hips, tickling him mercilessly.

“Soonyoung, get off my boyfriend,” Wonwoo said, dumping his duffel bag next to the couch and standing over them.

“Ha!” Soonyoung said, finally relenting and moving to one end of the couch. “I told you he was your boyfriend.”

Chan’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he sat up, staring at Wonwoo in shock. Wonwoo sighed as he sat down in the middle of the couch, picking up Soonyoung’s coffee and taking a mouthful.

“This shouldn’t be news to you,” he said, grinning at Chan.

Chan shrugged. “We haven’t had that conversation.”

Before they could go any further, Soonyoung cut them off. “Yeah and you can have it later, I’m the one having a dilemma right now.” For good measure, he threw himself dramatically across Wonwoo’s lap, arms above his head and reaching up to Chan.

Wonwoo looked down at him. “It’s just a wedding you dumb fuck.”

Soonyoung heaved a sigh. “Weddings make people think about the future and they get all soppy and romantic and say things they don’t mean because they think they have to.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Officially?” Wonwoo nodded and Soonyoung bit his lip as he thought. “Like five months?”

“Which means it’s been seven months since you started bumping uglies. That’s plenty of time to fall in love.”

Chan hummed his agreement and Soonyoung draped an arm over his eyes. “Love is terrifying.”

“Didn’t you tell Nayoung you loved her when you had sex with her like a week into your relationship?”

“I was sixteen, I didn’t know what love was.”

“So you didn’t love Nayoung?”

Soonyoung sat up, turning around on the couch and punching Wonwoo just below his shoulder. Wonwoo yelped in protest, rubbing his arm and scowling at Soonyoung.

“Of course I fucking loved her, jackass.”

Past Wonwoo, Chan was looking back and forth between the two of them, looking like he was watching a tennis match.

“So why are you so scared of love?”

Soonyoung looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers. “I don’t know. Every time I think about it my hands get sweaty and my heart speeds up and I can’t breathe and shit man. Spending the rest of my life with one person was an okay idea when I was sixteen and in love with the first girl who had ever paid attention to me but now,” he looked up at Wonwoo, willing the lump in his throat to go away, “this is too real and I have too much to do before I settle down and make any kind of commitment to one person.”

There was a silence after he finished. Wonwoo and Chan were staring at him with slack jaws.

Finally, Wonwoo cleared his throat. “So you and Seokmin might not spend the rest of your lives together. It’s still a pretty young relationship and you don’t have to take a knee just because you took him to your ex-girlfriend’s wedding. Most relationships don’t last forever and chances are you’re gonna break up and meet other people.”

Soonyoung’s heart plummeted. “I don’t want to break up with him though. He’s funny and he’s kind and he lets me fuck his face even though he’s a dom.”

Chan spluttered into his coffee and Wonwoo rubbed his back, moving his hand up to run his fingers through the hair at the top of Chan’s neck.

“Maybe you shouldn’t take him to the wedding. You clearly need to sort out your feelings.”

Hearing someone else suggest to him to leave Seokmin behind make Soonyoung’s blood boil, but he suppressed his anger. “But I want to take him.”

Wonwoo snapped his head to look at Soonyoung, letting out a laboured sigh through his teeth. “So fucking take him and quit complaining to me about not knowing what to do.”

His face softened as Soonyoung blinked, dislodging tears that slipped down his cheeks. Soonyoung crawled forward and sat himself in Wonwoo’s lap, curling in on himself and letting Wonwoo wrap his arms around him. Wonwoo rested his cheek on Soonyoung’s head, gently rocking him and he sniffled.

“What if you took baby steps? You could try having him meet your parents first so at least that’s one thing out of the way.”

Soonyoung sniffed. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

They stayed like that for a while, Chan fidgeting awkwardly beside them. Eventually Soonyoung sat up, dabbing under his eyes with his thumbs.

“Okay, I think I’m good.”

“Good,” Wonwoo said, patting his thigh with a smile. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna make out with my boyfriend for an hour.” He stood up and headed towards his room. “Darling?”

Chan scrambled to get up off the couch. “Coming, baby.”

 

A few days later, Soonyoung paced his room as the phone rang, getting more and more anxious with each dial tone.

“Hey baby.”

Soonyoung stopped pacing and opened his mouth, but couldn’t find it in himself to actually start talking.

“Baby?”

“Hi!” Soonyoung said, sounding a little too enthusiastic even to his own ears. “Hey, how are you?”

Seokmin chuckled on the other end, the breathiness of it creating static. “I’m good, how about you?”

“I’m good, yeah.” Soonyoung took a deep breath. “Hey, uh, how do you feel about meeting my parents?”

There followed a beat of silence, just long enough for Soonyoung to panic and consider hanging up before Seokmin cut him off.

“I’d love to!” Soonyoung could hear the smile in his voice. “When?”

“Uh, what time suits you?”

“Practice was cancelled this Saturday, how about then?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll give them a call but they should be free for dinner.”

“Perfect, I can’t wait.”

Soonyoung flopped onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling with his free hand resting on his stomach. “Sorry for running off the other day.”

“It’s okay, I know you have a shit memory.”

Soonyoung laughed, feeling his anxiety seeping out of his veins through his fingertips. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Their conversation quickly turned into phone sex, after which Soonyoung hung up and took a nap. When he woke up, his hand was still in his boxers and sticky. He grimaced as he pulled it out, getting up out of bed and grabbing a towel as he made his way to the bathroom.

Wonwoo was already in the shower, but Soonyoung hung his towel on the rack and got in with him. Wonwoo gave him a smile and handed him the shampoo.

“Thanks. My parents might be coming ‘round on Saturday.”

Wonwoo nodded as he rubbed a bar of soap over his torso. “Are they gonna meet Seokmin.”

“Yep.” Soonyoung sighed as he lathered the shampoo in his hair. “Hey, I never asked; how did the boyfriend talk with Chan go?”

Wonwoo flashed an unabashed smile – something that showed all his teeth and most of his gums. “It was good. Much to the disappointment of half the campus, I am officially tied down.”

“And to the disappointment of the other half, so is Chan.”

Wonwoo laughed, stepping under the stream of the shower to rinse his body. “He’s so cute. I really hope it lasts this time.”

“I hope so too, man.”

 

Soonyoung stared at the back of Seokmin’s head from across the food court, chewing his food for far too long. Seungcheol sat across from him, giving him an odd look and blocking his view of Seokmin.

“You good?”

Soonyoung blinked. “Yeah, just thinking.”

Seungcheol nodded and started on his food. He was wearing a loose fitted grey shirt and the smallest training shorts Soonyoung had ever seen, exposing his large thighs as they spread out on his seat. Soonyoung tilted his head as he thought about them for just a moment.

“You ever been in love?”

Seungcheol looked up at him, one eyebrow raised and food halfway in his mouth. He unfroze, took his time to chew his food and swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Soonyoung frowned. “Fat lot of good you are.”

Before Seungcheol had a chance to defend himself, Seungkwan took the seat next to him, hooking one of his legs over Seungcheol’s.

“What are you talking about?”

Soonyoung turned to him. “Have you ever been in love, Seungkwan?”

Seungkwan shook his head. “I actually take my sport seriously. I haven’t got time to fall in love.”

Soonyoung scoffed. “Enough time to hook up with Kim Mingyu on the rink.”

Seungcheol snapped his head to look at Seungkwan, who was flushing red.

“That was months ago. How do you even know about that?”

Soonyoung laughed, even if he did feel a little guilty about exposing Seungkwan in front of his current lay. “Mingyu’s on the same floor as my boyfriend.” He shrugged. “Word gets around.”

As the two of them discussed the matter with a sense of urgency, Soonyoung leant to the side to stare at the back of Seokmin’s head for a while longer. As he did so, Joshua Hong walked past him wearing a short, pastel pink skirt. Soonyoung grabbed his wrist and pulled him down into a seat. Joshua let out a soft squeak as he sat down, looking to Soonyoung in confusion.

“You’ve been in love, right?”

Joshua’s face softened and he leant his head in his hand. “Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Uh, we were in high school, we met at church and hooked up at a party, dated for a few months before we said I love you and it lasted a year.”

Soonyoung felt anticipation rise in his chest. “How long did it take you to fall in love?”

Joshua thought about it. “Two months, I think.”

“How did you know?”

He narrowed his eyes at Soonyoung. “What’s this about? Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Soonyoung gestured at the boys sitting across from them. “Because these two sad sacks have never been in love.”

There was a beat of silence as Joshua regarded everyone at the table. Soonyoung felt like he was about to burst; he just wanted an answer he could work with.

“I knew because I just knew. It’s like, just the smell of them makes you feel warm, and you’d give anything to make them happy. You don’t even care if their happiness means you’re miserable, because that doesn’t matter if it means they’re okay. You stay up late waiting to know if they’re okay and you let them steal your clothes because you want them to have a part of you all the time. It feels like you’ve been holding your breath your entire life and you can finally breathe when you’re with them. It feels like drowning and surfacing at the same time.”

Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Seungcheol all stared at Joshua for a moment as they processed what he said. He gave them a small smile.

“You’ll be able to tell. Like an orgasm; no one can describe what it feels like properly, but you know when it happens to you.”

Soonyoung nodded, glancing across the room to where Seokmin was standing up from his table. He looked back to Joshua.

“Thank you, for actually being of use to me.”

Joshua smiled. “No problem. Mind if I eat now?”

Soonyoung waved a hand, pushing his own tray forward as he tracked Seokmin’s movements around the room. He picked up his tray and power walked to Seokmin’s side. Seokmin turned and startled as he came face to face with Soonyoung.

“God, you gave me a fright.” He lowered his hand from his heart and gave Soonyoung a blinding smile. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey.” Soonyoung placed his tray on top of Seokmin’s and looped their arms together. “What are you doing this afternoon?”

Mingyu stood up across the table, piling his tray on Soonyoung’s. “He’s got practice. You _can’t_ skip again, Seok.”

Soonyoung looked up at Seokmin, who rolled his eyes. Soonyoung frowned.

“Have you been skipping practices?”

Seokmin gave him a smile. “Yeah, but only to spend time with you.”

Soonyoung blinked as Seokmin pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You can’t do that.”

Mingyu pointed at Soonyoung and started walking towards the bins, prompting Soonyoung and Seokmin to follow him.

“If you don’t listen to your coach you should at least listen to your boyfriend.”

Soonyoung’s heart twanged with disappointment. “Your coach talked to you?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Seokmin said as he emptied their trays into the bins, setting them on top to be collected. “It’s worth it if I can spend more time with you.”

He removed his arm from where it was linked with Soonyoung’s and instead wound it around Soonyoung’s waist. The three of them walked between tables towards the exit.

“You shouldn’t be skipping practises for me.” Soonyoung’s palms were starting to get sweaty and he felt out of breath. “What if you get kicked out of the team?”

Seokmin and Mingyu shared an uneasy look.

“They can’t do that.”

Mingyu let out the heaviest sigh Soonyoung had ever heard. “They’ve already threatened it, Soonyoung.”

“And you want to skip practice this afternoon, too?” Soonyoung smacked Seokmin’s chest. “No, you have to go.”

Seokmin turned, wrapping both arms around Soonyoung and picking him up off the ground to spin him in a circle. “I missed you though.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes, but he let Seokmin pressed kisses all over his face. “You saw me like three days ago.”

Seokmin set him back on the ground, but kept his arms around him and hummed into his neck. “I know.”

“Let me go with you to practice, then,” Soonyoung offered, making eye contact with Mingyu who gave him a thumbs up. “That way you don’t get kicked off the team and you can still spend time with me.”

Seokmin lifted his head. “That’s a good idea, baby. You sure you’re okay with it?”

Soonyoung nodded, prying himself out of Seokmin’s grasp and instead linking their fingers. “Of course I am.”

Mingyu parted with them to go back to the dorms, as he had an essay to write for a core paper. (“He’s hooking up with one of the volunteer refs, Yoon Jeonghan,” Seokmin told Soonyoung after Mingyu was out of earshot).

As Soonyoung sat in the first row of the stands, watching Seokmin and his team mates practice tackles and formations, he thought about the first time he saw Seokmin play. It had been disgustingly cold, and Seokmin had been taken off for an injury at one point. He remembered going back to Seokmin’s dorm and having sex with him for the first time. The memory made his heart speed up in his chest.

Which was strange, because they’d had sex nearly every time they’d seen each other since. And that was seven months ago, so he’d had plenty of time to get used to having sex with Seokmin. He rubbed his fingertips against his palms and found them sweaty.

Soonyoung looked from his hands to the field, watched the ball be passed from player to player as they ran in formation up and down the field. Watched the way the muscles in Seokmin’s thighs extended and contracted as he ran, the hefty jiggle as his feet hit the ground. The way he ran a hand through his hair when he didn’t have the ball, slicking it back from his forehead and keeping pace with everyone else.

He allowed himself to reflect on what Joshua had said in the food court.

_You don’t even care if their happiness means you’re miserable, because that doesn’t matter if it means they’re okay._

Soonyoung was uncomfortable sitting on the bench, he supposed. But he certainly wasn’t uncomfortable in watching Seokmin’s powerful body work its way across the field. And Seokmin probably would’ve been happier to go back to his dorm and have sex – of that Soonyoung could be sure.

He closed his eyes and tried to think of what would make Seokmin happy. Rugby made him happy – at least, Soonyoung thought it did, seeing as it was his major and his chosen career path. If Seokmin decided that Soonyoung _was_ getting in the way of his rugby and wanted to stop seeing him, would Soonyoung accept it and leave the relationship peacefully? Soonyoung figured that would fit into what Joshua had said; that would mean he loved Seokmin.

But he knew he wouldn’t. He would fight it and argue with Seokmin and try to persuade him not to break up with him. Just thinking about it in the hypothetical made Soonyoung’s eyes burn with angry tears. He rubbed at his eyes, faking a yawn to cover the fact that he had just cried publically over the idea of Seokmin breaking up with him.

So maybe he was selfish. That would explain it, because he didn’t want to be miserable, and was pretty certain that breaking up with Seokmin would make him want to jump off the nearest cliff. He didn’t want to get his feelings hurt, so he would force someone to stay in a relationship as an alternative.

He looked at Seokmin, who shot him a broad smile, then down to his hands.

“Not love,” he said to his cuticles. “Decidedly not love.”

When he scanned the field for Seokmin, he found he was walking right towards him and jumped a little in his seat. Seokmin tipped his head back in a laugh as he jogged the last few metres to stand in front of Soonyoung.

“What you thinking about?”

 _How I don’t love you_. Soonyoung bit his tongue, then took in a shaky breath, fixed a smile on his face.

Instead, he said; “How bad I want to get back to your dorm so you can pound me.”

Seokmin’s grin slanted and narrowed, making it lopsided. He looked over his shoulder to where the rest of the team were going into the locker room, then leant in close so that his mouth was brushing the shell of Soonyoung’s ear.

“I’m gonna run a few extra laps, you’re gonna sit here and watch me, and then when everyone else is gone I’m gonna fuck you in the shower.”

Soonyoung swallowed thickly and watched Seokmin jog over to the coach, presumably to tell her he was going to run extra laps. She handed him a set of keys and they parted ways, Seokmin going to run his laps, sparing glances to both the locker room and Soonyoung.

Eventually, Seokmin decided it was safe for them to go to the showers, as he stopped in his tracks and waved a hand at Soonyoung.

 

Soonyoung barely had time to throw his clothes on the bench before Seokmin pulled him under the stream of the shower.

“God you almost got my clothes wet, asshole.”

Seokmin simply laughed, ruffling Soonyoung’s hair. “Sorry babe.”

Soonyoung allowed himself to be pressed against the cool tiles as Seokmin pinned him there and started mouthing at his neck, just below his ear. Soonyoung looked around the locker room, now empty, and wondered how it was going to work. He was fairly sure neither of them were packing lube in their pockets.

He pushed the thought aside for later, instead opting to tangle his hands in Seokmin’s hair and tip his head back. Seokmin chuckled against his skin, the sound echoing through the room as he gripped Soonyoung’s dick and started pumping. Soonyoung let out a strangled moan, gripping Seokmin’s hair a little too hard.

“Baby, that hurts.”

Soonyoung smirked at Seokmin. “What? You pull my hair all the time.” He gave a short tug and Seokmin winced. “That wasn’t even hard, you’re such a wimp.”

“Shut up,” Seokmin said, pressing forward to kiss Soonyoung.

Soonyoung’s hands slipped from Seokmin’s hair and he looped his arms loosely around Seokmin’s neck. After a while, Seokmin hooked his hand on the back of Soonyoung’s thigh, guiding him to lift his leg to rest on Seokmin’s hip. Soonyoung’s grip on Seokmin’s shoulders tightened to keep himself up, but it was in vain as Seokmin sank to his knees. The leg was repositioned to Seokmin’s shoulder and Soonyoung held onto the rail behind him for balance.

Seokmin started by planting kisses across the tops of Soonyoung’s legs, nuzzling his blond snail trail and humming into his skin. Soonyoung writhed with impatience.

“Why is there a rail here anyway?” he asked, only then noticing he was panting. “They know people have sex in here?”

Seokmin looked up at him. “For disabled kids, dummy.”

Before Soonyoung had time to respond to this, Seokmin was tilting his head so he could lick Soonyoung’s asshole, making him arch his back in surprise. Seokmin laughed, but he reached up to grab Soonyoung’s hips.

“Hold still baby.”

Soonyoung tried his best, but it was hard when Seokmin was giving attention to all the pressure points in his groin; tongue prodding at his hole and trailing up at down his taint as one hand pumped him, occasionally suckling on his balls. Soonyoung thought he might come just from that, with a scream muffled by the water that they were no longer standing under.

Seokmin treated him like this for so long that Soonyoung’s hair was semi dry by the time he stopped. Soonyoung gave a whimper in protest as Seokmin set his leg down on the ground and stood up. His knees wobbled and he reached out for Seokmin, who took him in his arms and kissed him. It was small and chaste, a simple press of lips before Seokmin was walking to one of the lockers.

Soonyoung stared at him in disbelief, his image blurred by the water. In order to see better and also because he was a bit cold, Soonyoung stepped under the stream of water and watched Seokmin put in his combination and remove a small sample of lube from his locker. Soonyoung started laughing, spluttering a little from the water that got in his mouth.

“Why do you have lube samples in your locker?” Soonyoung asked, still giggling as he was pushed against the wall again.

Seokmin joined him in laughing. “For times like this.” He groaned as he ran his hands down Soonyoung’s sides. “God you’re so fucking beautiful,” his voice was low and he pressed another short kiss to Soonyoung’s lips. “I’m so lucky to be with you.”

Soonyoung was glad that Seokmin chose to drop down to his knees at that moment, as his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. He didn’t know why the comment had such an effect on him; Seokmin praised him all the time. He tried not to think about it as Seokmin put his leg back on his shoulder.

Seokmin didn’t seem to be in any rush as he worked on opening Soonyoung up painfully slowly. He made it a point to avoid Soonyoung’s prostate, which only had him writhing and scrambling and begging Seokmin to give him something. Seokmin didn’t listen, only pumped his four fingers in even more slowly, moving them millimetre by millimetre.

“Baby boy looks so good like this; desperate and begging for my dick.” Soonyoung threw his head back so hard against the tiles that the sound echoed in the room. “Careful, baby boy, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Seok, please,” Soonyoung panted out, his breath ragged. “I need more, please.”

“Use your words, princess.”

That was new. Even newer was the way Soonyoung’s dick twitched in response. Seokmin chuckled.

“What do you want, baby?”

Soonyoung gritted his teeth. “I want you to fuck me so hard you can see my outline on the tiles.”

Something changed in Seokmin’s eyes, and Soonyoung got the impression that he was going to get exactly what he asked for.

Seokmin rose quickly from the floor, grabbing the lube sample and squeezing what was left directly onto his dick. Most of the time, they used condoms, purely for an easier clean up. But since they were in the shower, Soonyoung guessed there wasn’t much point. He licked his lips in anticipation, watching as Seokmin pumped himself a few times. He loved it when Seokmin fucked him without a condom.

Seokmin placed his hands on Soonyoung’s hips. “When I say ‘jump’ you jump, okay princess?” Soonyoung nodded. “Okay. One, two, three, jump.”

When he did, Seokmin lifted his hips and positioned him to perch on the rail. The metal was cold against his skin, and Soonyoung let out a hiss on the impact. He didn’t have time to dwell on it, however, as Seokmin was lifting his legs higher and pinning him with his own body. He made quick work of positioning his dick, slipping it in past the head and then returning his hand to Soonyoung’s hip.

Even if Soonyoung had been given time to think, he wouldn’t be able to with the force behind Seokmin’s first thrust. There was so much power in the movement that Soonyoung was lifted off the rail, his back squeaking against the tiles and his dick slapping against his stomach.

Seokmin didn’t slow down. Soonyoung loved it when he was like this; hard and rough and relentless as he pistoned his hips and slammed into Soonyoung’s prostate on every thrust. He loved it when he could feel tiny blood vessels bursting under Seokmin’s fingertips. Loved it when Seokmin buried his face in the crook of his neck and grunted, panted, licked feebly at his skin.

Soonyoung’s nails scratched Seokmin’s shoulder blade bluntly as his other hand slid up into his hair. He gave a tiny, experimental tug and Seokmin’s hips stuttered. He growled into Soonyoung’s neck, biting down hard on his shoulder and causing Soonyoung to yelp. Seokmin shifted his hips and moved a hand to grasp Soonyoung’s dick, pumping it fast.

Soonyoung felt like he was on fire and surrounded by water. He could feel the cracks of the tiles against his back, the metal rail now hot beneath his ass, each individual water droplet as they slid down his body, his hair shifting with every thrust of Seokmin’s hips.

He came hard, screaming Seokmin’s name as his head smacked against the tiles again. He gripped the back of Seokmin’s neck and dug his nails into the flesh of his back as his asshole clenched around Seokmin. Seokmin didn’t slow down as he lifted his hand, covered in Soonyoung’s cum, to his mouth and licked it. He held it behind him to wash away under the shower, then returned his hand to Soonyoung’s hips.

Soonyoung could do little but whimper as Seokmin ploughed into him, using his grip on Soonyoung’s hips to pull him further down on his dick. His ass was starting to hurt from the impact it made on the rail, and he was sure he’d have a bruise in that spot the next day, but Soonyoung couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Soonyoung’s entire body was trembling with over stimulation when Seokmin finally came, burying himself in Soonyoung to the hilt. When he was finished, he gave a few extra, shallow thrusts that provided a slick squelching sound that made Soonyoung shiver.

Seokmin gathered Soonyoung’s limp body in his arms, gently lowering them so that Soonyoung was straddling his lap as they sat on the floor of the shower. Soonyoung slumped against his chest, completely boneless and out of breath. Seokmin kissed his hair, running his fingertips up and down Soonyoung’s spine.

When Soonyoung had somewhat regained his strength, Seokmin sat him under the stream of water and slowly washed his body. He took the time to shampoo, styling Soonyoung’s hair with the suds and laughing to himself. He worked a bar of soap over Soonyoung’s body, touch light over his hips where Soonyoung just knew bruises were forming.

Once they were both clean, Seokmin helped Soonyoung up and guided him over to the bench, wrapping a towel around his shoulders before sorting their clothes out beside him. He took the towel, rubbing it up and down Soonyoung’s arms, across his torso, his back, his legs, then ruffling it through his hair. He draped it around his neck, grabbing Soonyoung’s clothes and slowly dressing him.

When Seokmin started drying himself off, Soonyoung lay across the bench and watched him. The beads of water dripping from his fringe and onto his chest, the way the dim light from outside caught and highlighted the ridges of his muscles. The way he spared glances at Soonyoung to make sure he was alright.

It was a shame, Soonyoung thought, that he wasn’t in love with Seokmin.


	3. Chapter 3

Wonwoo lay on Soonyoung’s bed, scrolling through his phone as Soonyoung stood in front of the mirror.

“I don’t know why you’re so worried about what you wear,” he said, glancing up at Soonyoung. “It’s just your parents. And Seokmin doesn’t care what you wear; he’s gonna take it off you anyway.”

Soonyoung sighed. “That’s not the point. And I don’t know.” He threw himself on top of Wonwoo, looking up at the ceiling. “I’ll just go with this.”

“Good. How are you feeling anyway?”

Soonyoung shrugged. “I don’t know. Nervous? But also like it’s not happening.”

Wonwoo huffed a laugh. “Figures. I’m sure it’ll be fine, though.”

There was a knock on the door and Soonyoung groaned. Wonwoo clicked his teeth and rolled over, dumping Soonyoung on the floor with a thud. After smacking the back of Wonwoo’s head in retaliation, Soonyoung heaved himself off the floor and made his way to the front door.

Seokmin was dressed in a navy-blue button down shirt that was tight around his neck, with a shiny black tie. It was tucked into matching navy blue slacks, and he was wearing black leather dress shoes. His hair was slicked back, exposing his forehead and making Soonyoung’s breath hitch. He gave Soonyoung a broad smile, and he noticed a spot of concealer a few shades too light for his skin on his left cheek, below his eye.

Soonyoung frowned, reaching up and wiping the make-up away to reveal the mole beneath it. He smiled, lowering his hands to hook in Seokmin’s belt loops and pull him closer. He leant in so their lips were just touching.

“Much better.”

Seokmin laughed into the kiss, cupping Soonyoung’s face delicately with one hand. Soonyoung breathed in through his nose, taking in the scent of Seokmin’s cologne. He removed his lips just enough that he could murmur against Seokmin’s mouth.

“God let’s not go; I wanna fuck you so bad right now.”

Seokmin laughed, pulling away completely and stepping into the apartment. “That’s not gonna happen.” He turned around and tapped the tip of Soonyoung’s nose. “Besides, I’m looking forward to meeting your parents.”

Soonyoung couldn’t help flushing, his heart leaping. “That’s gay.”

Seokmin tipped his head back a little as he laughed, clapping his hands once. Soonyoung felt the air knocked out of his lungs, forced to occupy space in his chest outside of them. It filled him up with such a powerful burst of adoration that he laughed as well, throwing his arms around Seokmin’s neck and pressing multiple kisses to his mouth.

Seokmin chuckled against Soonyoung’s lips, winding his arms around his waist and lifting him, spinning him on the spot a little before setting him down.

“We don’t wanna be late, baby.”

Soonyoung hummed as he looked up at Seokmin, carding his fingers through the hair on the back of his head and feeling swept off his feet.

“Fine. But you have to dick me down later.”

 

Soonyoung didn’t start to get nervous until they were standing outside the café where they were meeting up with his parents. His palms got sweaty and his breathing became shallow. He flinched a little when Seokmin placed a hand gently on his lower back.

“It’s going to be fine, Soonyoung.” He kissed Soonyoung’s temple and rubbed his thumb on his back. “Parents love me.”

Soonyoung’s parents were already sitting down when they walked in, and his mother almost ran across the room to hug him. Soonyoung hugged her back, allowed himself to feel warm and protected. She patted the back of his head before pulling away.

“Don’t be nervous, darling.”

Soonyoung stared at her. “How do you know I’m nervous?”

She rolled her eyes and walked back to the table. “I’m your mother; I know everything.”

Seokmin chuckled, standing next to the table as Soonyoung hugged his father and sat down.

“Mum, Dad, this is Seokmin.”

Seokmin bowed politely to them before taking his seat. “It’s nice to meet you both.”

Soonyoung couldn’t tell if he was pleased or horrified at how well Seokmin got along with his parents. Within minutes, Soonyoung’s mother was reaching across the table to pet his cheek, while Soonyoung’s father asked Seokmin all sorts of questions about rugby. He made them both laugh easily, and by the time their meals got to them, he had persuaded them to split a bottle of champagne between the four of them.

Soonyoung’s mother hummed into her champagne flute. “You and Nayoung are going to get along so well.”

Soonyoung froze, food halfway to his mouth as he realised that he hadn’t told Seokmin about the wedding properly. He looked from his mother to Seokmin, who looked perplexed. Soonyoung prayed that his mother wouldn’t elaborate. God wasn’t listening.

“We’re going to fly down a few days before the wedding, but I assume you’ll want to get there earlier than that?”

Soonyoung chewed thoughtfully before setting down his chopsticks and clearing his throat. He tried to ignore the hole Seokmin’s stare was burning into the side of his face.

“I haven’t given it that much thought yet.”

His father frowned. “You should probably start soon. Nayoung’s already thinking about colours and seating arrangements.”

Soonyoung scoffed. “She decided on colours back when we were still dating.”

Seokmin cleared his throat softly. “I thought Nayoung’s wedding was still sort of,” he trailed off, waving a hand in the air, “abstract.”

Soonyoung felt his palms getting sweaty as he shovelled more food into his mouth.

His mother tutted. “Soonyoung, haven’t you told him yet?”

Soonyoung shrugged, speaking through his food. “I told him we had a date.”

He looked at Seokmin and the sinking feeling in his stomach told him that Seokmin knew he’d kept the full story from him. Soonyoung’s parents didn’t seem to sense the tension as they kept talking about it.

“Surely Seokmin will want to come, won’t you dear?”

Seokmin looked at Soonyoung’s mother, fixing a polite smile on his face. “I’d be delighted. I’m sure I can take some time away from rugby for it.”

Soonyoung thought of the conversation he’d had with Mingyu. “You know you can’t do that, Seok.”

Seokmin turned to him, reaching under the table and gripping Soonyoung’s thigh so hard his knee jerked. “This means a lot to you and I want to be there for it.”

Soonyoung swallowed. “Rugby means a lot to _you_ , and you can’t afford to miss any more practices.”

Seokmin pulled his lips in over his teeth. “We’ll talk about it later.”

He went back to his food, leaving Soonyoung to exchange concerned looks with his mother over the table.

When their plates had been cleared, Seokmin excused himself to go to the bathroom, giving Soonyoung’s mother a chance to grasp Soonyoung’s hand excitedly.

“He’s wonderful, Soonyoung,” she said, smile highlighting her crow’s feet. “So polite and so handsome.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes, but he was smiling the same as her. His father placed his hand over theirs on the table.

“He’s clearly very fond of you, too. I’m glad you introduced us to him.”

They four of them exchanged goodbyes outside the café, Soonyoung’s mother tearing up as she always did and going through the checklist to make sure he was looking after himself. The drive back to Soonyoung’s flat was silent, and Soonyoung’s heart was heavy as he kept readjusting his grip on the steering wheel. When they finally got back, Seokmin walked straight past Wonwoo and Chan on the couch and into Soonyoung’s room. Soonyoung walked over to the couch, grabbing the bottle of orange juice from Wonwoo’s hands and taking a swig.

Wonwoo smirked from where he had an arm around Chan’s shoulders. “Didn’t go too well?”

Soonyoung passed the bottle back to him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “My parents started talking about the wedding.”

Wonwoo grimaced. “That’s rough. He okay?”

Soonyoung looked over to the hallway. “Guess I’m about to find out.” He looked back down at them. “Sorry if things get too loud.”

Chan’s face flushed. “Gross.”

“No, no,” Soonyoung said, shaking his head. “I mean if we start yelling.”

“Oh.” Chan shrank into Wonwoo’s side. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Wish me luck.”

When he went into his room, Seokmin was pacing the room, shirt unbuttoned to his chest and tie pulled loose. Judging by the state of his hair, he’d been running his fingers through it. Soonyoung shut the door behind him quietly and flopped down onto his bed.

“Everything okay?”

Seokmin stopped in his tracks, looking to Soonyoung with his hands frozen in his hair. He let out a sigh that sagged his shoulders and moved to kneel beside the bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the wedding?”

Soonyoung shrugged, not meeting Seokmin’s eyes. “I hadn’t given it that much thought.”

“Bullshit,” Seokmin snapped, and the harshness of it startled Soonyoung a little. “You’ve been waiting for this for years; there’s no way it hasn’t been the _only_ thing you’ve thought about.”

Soonyoung shrugged again.

When he didn’t get an answer, Seokmin sighed again, sounding more frustrated this time. He sat down and turned away from Soonyoung, his back against the bed frame.

“If you don’t want me to go with you, you can just say. I won’t be upset or whatever.”

Soonyoung wanted so badly to take that statement as it was and just not invite him. But the waver in Seokmin’s voice doubled with the burning of his ears told Soonyoung that wasn’t an option.

“I do want you to come, I just,” he sighed, blinking hard, “I don’t know. It feels weird.”

Silence rang around them for a moment. Seokmin didn’t turn around.

“What about it is weird?”

Soonyoung shrugged, though Seokmin wasn’t looking at him. “It’s my ex-girlfriend’s wedding. Feels very serious, I guess.”

Seokmin turned around then, and Soonyoung’s heart plummeted when he saw that his eyes were glistening. “Are we not serious? Are you not taking us seriously?”

Soonyoung felt like he’d been backed into a corner and had to try his hardest not to get defensive. “No, I mean, I _am_ taking us seriously, I just,” he ran a hand through his hair, realising he’d picked it up from Seokmin, “it’s a lot all at once, you know?”

Seokmin bit his lip and despite the situation, Soonyoung found it extremely hot. “I guess.” He shut his eyes and sighed, voice going small as he turned around again. “You don’t have to take me if you don’t want to.”

But Soonyoung _did_ want to take him. He wanted to take Seokmin with him and show him off and slow dance with him and introduce him to Nayoung and get drunk off champagne and gorge themselves on wedding cake. But Soonyoung couldn’t very well say; _I want to take you but I’m terrified of love and I don’t think I love you_ without seriously hurting Seokmin’s feelings.

He shuffled up the bed on his stomach, wrapping his arms around Seokmin’s shoulders. Seokmin tried to pry him off, but Soonyoung held tight.

“I do want you to come,” he said, pressing a kiss behind Seokmin’s ear. “I _do_ want you to come and meet Nayoung and eat wedding cake with me. Of _course_ you’re invited.”

Seokmin’s shoulders shook with his next breath. “So why didn’t you tell me that?”

Soonyoung could feel guilt and shame pooling in his stomach, heavy and burning and making him want to squirm. It crept up his chest and into his cheeks. He took a moment to try and soothe it, thinking of what to say in response.

“I don’t know. I’m scared and this is all new and scary and if I’m honest I don’t know what I’m doing.” He buried his face in the crook of Seokmin’s neck. “Please don’t be upset with me. I really want you to come.”

Seokmin got up off the floor, and for a horrid moment Soonyoung thought he was going to leave without another word. But he simply lay down on the bed, pulling Soonyoung into his chest as they lay back on the pillows, legs tangling together.

“I’m not,” he paused, hugging Soonyoung tighter to him, “ _entirely_ upset with you. I guess a wedding is a big deal.” He kissed Soonyoung’s hair. “I’d be happy to go with you. Just maybe update me on it, you know. Communicate.”

Soonyoung chuckled into Seokmin’s shoulder. “Yeah, that sounds fair.” The ball of anxiety still sat in his throat, but at least he’d avoided the whole love conversation. “I’m sorry.”

Seokmin kissed his hair again. “It’s okay, just something to bear in mind.”

Soonyoung shifted to rest on his elbows and pressed his lips to Seokmin’s. They made out lazily for a while, and Soonyoung tried to ignore the dampness of Seokmin’s cheeks. Seokmin moved his hands to cup Soonyoung’s face, rubbing his thumbs lightly across his cheekbones. He pulled back from the kiss, keeping their foreheads and noses pressed together.

Suddenly, everything around Soonyoung was moving far too fast. Seokmin’s breath was far too loud and Wonwoo working the coffee machine was deafening. Seokmin took in a sharp breath, his eyes scrunched shut and his lips parted and spit slick. Soonyoung felt the moment heavy between their mouths, Seokmin’s hands too hot against his skin. Before Seokmin had a chance to speak, Soonyoung cut him off.

“Don’t.”

Seokmin opened his eyes, and though Soonyoung was too close to focus on them properly, he knew they were wide with surprise.

“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t say it.”

The coffee machine, his breathing, the birds and cars outside, the creaking of the floorboards under Chan’s feet, the violent thumping of Soonyoung’s heart; all of it swelled to a grand crescendo, threatening to burst his ear drums. He tried to tune the sounds out, listening for Seokmin’s voice.

Finally, he let out his breath. Soonyoung felt it rush over his face, could hear Seokmin’s diaphragm move and his lungs deflate. He kissed Soonyoung’s nose.

“I was just going to say I’m glad we talked about this.”

“Oh,” was all Soonyoung said.

Because the reality of the situation – and Seokmin knew this as well, as was evident in the smile forced in his voice – was that Seokmin had been about to say _I love you_. And Soonyoung had stopped him. Soonyoung wanted to kick Seokmin out of his bed, or run away as far as he could, or stay there; rooted in Seokmin’s arms forever. He felt suffocated and crowded and claustrophobic and that sense of guilt still burned its way through his organs. Humiliation radiated from Seokmin’s body and seeped into Soonyoung’s blood stream as they stayed frozen, Soonyoung curled up to Seokmin’s side again.

After a few minutes, Seokmin cleared his throat and made to sit up. Soonyoung shifted to allow Seokmin to sit up properly.

“I should get home.” Seokmin sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his shoes on. “It was nice to meet your parents.”

Soonyoung sat up as well, reaching up a hand to thread his fingers through Seokmin’s hair. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

Seokmin shook his head. “No, I should get some sleep.” He forced a smile over his shoulder. “Early practice tomorrow.”

Soonyoung felt nauseous as Seokmin leant down over him and hesitated before pressing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll let myself out.”

Soonyoung kept his eyes closed as Seokmin left the apartment. He could hear him exchange goodbyes with Wonwoo and Chan in the kitchen and waited until the front door clicked shut. As soon as it did, he ran for the bathroom and emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl.


	4. Chapter 4

The weeks leading up to the wedding were full of cautious glances as Soonyoung and Seokmin tiptoed around each other. They chose their words too carefully and spent too much time in silence.

It wasn’t entirely awkward; the sex was still good and they still got along well. But all too often something would settle heavily between them, leaving Soonyoung uncomfortable and fidgeting. Much though he wanted to forget about it, Soonyoung would always think back to the conversation after the meeting with his parents. It made his stomach drop and his face burn, feeling like the air was too thick and humid around him.

Nayoung made the trip to Seoul to help Soonyoung get fitted for his dress; a red two piece with a high waisted satin pencil skirt and matching cropped camisole that reached his neck but left his collarbones exposed. She didn’t meet Seokmin.

Seokmin had somehow managed to get a week off rugby practices, meaning he would be able to fly to Jeju with Soonyoung a week before the wedding. Finding a suit for him to wear was easy enough, as he insisted he wear all black. Soonyoung was convinced Seokmin was out to get him.

Most of Soonyoung’s anxiety around the wedding had dissipated. The hardest part of it – the whole love aspect – was dealt with, albeit in a way that made Soonyoung’s skin crawl. He had managed to avoid talking about it for the most part, as every time Wonwoo gave him a certain look while heaving a sigh, Soonyoung would make an excuse to leave. But that didn’t stop the guilt that festered inside him.

The day they were due to leave, Seokmin left Soonyoung in his dorm room while he took their things down to his car. Soonyoung was staring up at the ceiling, anxiety starting to creep up his cheeks as he thought for the millionth time about the conversation. A light knock on the door broke him from his thoughts and he furrowed his brow, lifting his head to look at the door.

“Uh, yeah?”

Soonyoung was softly surprised to see Mingyu as he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it. His jaw was set and he was frowning at the ground. Soonyoung sat up and folded his legs, letting his hands fall in his lap.

Soonyoung cleared his throat. “Seokmin’s just putting our stuff in the car, he should be up in a bit.”

Mingyu shook his head, kicking at a piece of fluff caught in the carpet. “I know. I wanted to talk to you.”

Soonyoung had a horrible feeling about how the conversation was going to go, but he feigned innocence. “What’s up?”

Mingyu looked at him then, his face reading anger and concern. “Try not to hurt him.”

The sweat glands in Soonyoung’s palms immediately kicked into overdrive. “What do you mean?”

Mingyu sighed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “Don’t tell him I said any of this?” Soonyoung nodded. “Because he told me not to say anything to you but,” he took in a deep breath and looked out the window, “I hate seeing him like this. You know, moping around because his boyfriend doesn’t love him back.”

Hearing someone else say it felt like a punch to Soonyoung’s gut. “That’s not –”

Mingyu looked at him. “It is. You knew he was about to tell you himself, but you didn’t let him.” His frown deepened. “I don’t know if you’re like, not there yet? Or if you aren’t taking this as seriously as he is, but whatever’s going on with you, you need to figure it out. Seokmin doesn’t deserve to be screwed around like this.”

Soonyoung rubbed aggressively at his eyes for a moment. “I know he doesn’t.”

Mingyu nodded. “Maybe at least talk to him about it.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Mingyu lifted an eyebrow. “If I told him any of what I’m feeling it’d destroy him.”

Mingyu’s mouth turned into a thin line the same way Seokmin’s did sometimes. “Maybe you shouldn’t be leading him on then.”

Before Soonyoung had a chance to respond, the key scanner on the outside of the door beeped and Seokmin was stepping into the room. Mingyu was faster to set a wide smile on his face as he leapt up and threw his arms around Seokmin’s neck.

Soonyoung couldn’t make out what Seokmin murmured into Mingyu’s ear, but he could easily read the warning tone. Mingyu only tightened his grip on Seokmin’s shoulders.

“I just wanted to say goodbye, chill out.”

Seokmin laughed, patting Mingyu’s back. “I’m only going for a week.”

“Yeah, a week where I have to fend for myself.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, shrugging Mingyu off and looking down at Soonyoung, still on the bed. “You ready to go baby?”

Soonyoung fixed a smile on his face, but he could feel himself that it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yep.”

Mingyu gave Soonyoung a warning glance as he passed him, and Mingyu accompanied them to the car where he exchanged another hug with Seokmin. Soonyoung drove them to the airport.

(“I’m gay. Gay people aren’t supposed to drive,” Seokmin had once argued. The windows of the car were steamed up and Soonyoung was boneless beneath him, complaining about how he had to drive them home after being pounded in the backseat.)

 

Flying gave Soonyoung a good excuse to not talk to Seokmin. He could pretend that he felt airsick and lean his head against the side of the plane and pretend to sleep while his head pounded in time with his heart.

Truthfully, he hadn’t thought that Seokmin actually loved him. He thought that maybe Seokmin would get carried away – caught up in the sickeningly romantic air of the wedding night and say something he didn’t mean. But Mingyu had said it himself; Seokmin was in love with him. The thought of it made Soonyoung’s stomach churn with guilt and sorrow and another feeling that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. So perhaps it wasn’t a total lie when he said that he felt nauseous.

As he pretended to sleep, his eyelids fluttering on every bounce of turbulence, Soonyoung thought about what Joshua had said those weeks ago in the food court.

_Just the smell of them makes you feel warm_

Seokmin smelled of his cologne. Even when he hadn’t put it on, it lingered for days and mixed with his skin in a way that made a heat flare in the pit of Soonyoung’s stomach. He smelled clean, like bar soap that was only supposed to be used for hands but that Soonyoung knew Seokmin used to wash even his hair. He smelled a little like body odour underneath everything else, but Soonyoung didn’t mind. He preferred it, sometimes, when Seokmin skipped a shower after practice. But none of it made him feel warm; it made him feel like he was overheating, drowning in boiling hot water, suffocated by hot steam. It was overwhelming, sometimes, how much he liked the way Seokmin smelled.

_You stay up late waiting to see if they’re okay_

This, Soonyoung had done only three times, each of them after Seokmin had either gone home drunk or after he had been injured during a game. Every other time he had stayed up late for Seokmin was when he was in bed with him, fingers tangled together and with the sheets, with Seokmin putting his cold feet on Soonyoung’s shins. The two of them giggling and kissing languorously, happy to share warmth and breath and skin. There was never any sense of urgency of needing to know that Seokmin was okay; Soonyoung always just knew he was.

_It feels like you’ve been holding your breath your entire life and you can finally breathe when you’re with them. It feels like drowning and surfacing at the same time_

But it was never like this. Joshua made it seem like there was some sense of relief when you were in love, and Soonyoung had never felt that with Seokmin. Certainly there were moments of _satisfaction_ , but Seokmin made him feel like he was always on his toes. Always gasping for air and being submerged against his will, time and time again. Like Seokmin was both the unrelenting force and the immoveable object. Like he would press himself against Soonyoung and hold him in place for the rest of his life, desperate for release but never wanting it to end.

Soonyoung groaned, then jumped when Seokmin placed a soft hand on his forehead.

Seokmin snickered lightly. “Who knew you were such a baby when it came to flying?”

Soonyoung forced a smile, though he knew it was weak. “Fuck you.”

The smile that Seokmin gave him was so soft and warm and kind that Soonyoung’s stomach lurched. Without another word, he unbuckled his seatbelt and stumbled down the aisle to the bathroom, only just managing to keep his bile down before he could lock the door behind him.

 

Nayoung met them at the airport so that they wouldn’t have to rent a car, for which Soonyoung was thankful. He threw himself into her arms even as his knees wobbled, and she allowed him to lean all his weight onto her.

“Good to see you too, buddy,” she laughed into the side of his neck. “I assume this tall glass of water is Seokmin?”

Soonyoung delighted in the blush that spread across Seokmin’s cheeks, turning them slightly peach coloured. He bowed politely and stuck out a hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

Nayoung knocked his hand out of the way and wound her arms around his neck. Seokmin gave Soonyoung a panicked look as he awkwardly patted her back.

“God Soonyoung never shuts up about you,” Nayoung said as she pulled away, reaching out to smack Soonyoung’s chest lightly. “It’s about time we met each other.”

Seokmin cocked an eyebrow at Soonyoung. “You talk to your ex about me?”

Soonyoung felt a bubbly giggle threaten to rise from his chest and he rolled his eyes. “Only because you dick me down so well.”

Nayoung wrinkled her nose. “Gross. Hey we should get to the car; I cracked a window for Kyulkyung but she’s like a fucking dog and will get mad if I leave her out there for too long.”

Kyulkyung reached a hand out of the window when she caught sight of them across the carpark, waving at them with a large smile on her face. She tried to open the door a few times before realising it was locked, making her pout as she waited for Nayoung to click the button on her keys. She came tumbling out of the car and threw herself into Soonyoung’s arms as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

“God it’s been so long I missed you so much!” As soon as she let Soonyoung go, Kyulkyung attached herself to Nayoung’s side. “And who’s this tall glass of water, Seokmin?”

Seokmin laughed and bowed to her. “You’d be right.”

Soonyoung prodded Seokmin’s cheek. “How come you only blushed when Nayoung said that?”

Nayoung laughed and kissed Kyulkyung’s temple. “Come on, Mum’s desperate to see you. Baby’s riding shotgun.”

Seokmin gave a snort of a laugh as both Soonyoung and Kyulkyung reached for the passenger door handle.

“Soonyoung, I haven’t called you baby since we were seventeen. Get in the back.”

Kyulkyung stuck her tongue out as she got into the front seat, and Soonyoung narrowed his eyes at her before Seokmin snaked an arm around his waist and pulled him into the back seat.

The ride to Nayoung’s grandparent’s farmhouse was long, but it went by quickly as Soonyoung caught up with Nayoung and Kyulkyung, reminiscing about their time in school together. Soonyoung could tell that Seokmin felt a little left out, but his smile was wide as ever and he seemed to be having fun. For a moment, Soonyoung forgot about everything that was wrong with the two of them.

He was with his best friend and her fiancé, who he hadn’t seen in months, and they were about to get married in just two days. He was going to deliver a best man’s speech to put anyone to shame and he was going to get drunk with his boyfriend and dance to shitty 80s love songs, (Nayoung’s favourite). As they zipped down country roads with the windows down, Soonyoung felt untouchable.

 

The first day in Nayoung’s grandparent’s house was a whirlwind of reunions and exclamations of how Soonyoung was growing into such a handsome young man. He preened under the praise, and took great pleasure in introducing his boyfriend to everyone. It was a relief not having to hide their relationship under platonic excuses; perks of going to a lesbian wedding, he supposed.

They were both far too tired for sex that night, but the next morning Seokmin tortured Soonyoung with long, slow thrusts that had him scrabbling at Seokmin’s back.

Most of the rest of the day was spent taking calls and welcoming more guests who were staying in one of the many rooms in the large house. The rest of it was spent making last minute arrangements for flower arrangements and doing a rehearsal of the wedding itself.

Soonyoung felt dead on his feet by the end of the day, and he didn’t blame Seokmin for turning in early after a long day of answering endless questions about his school life and his family and does he know so and so from a rugby club in Daegu. Soonyoung found himself with Nayoung in the bathroom at nine in the evening, handing a bottle of champagne back and forth between the two of them. Nayoung gave a small giggle, wiping at her cheek.

“I’m getting married tomorrow.”

Soonyoung gave a small huff of a laugh. “Yeah, to the love of your fucking life.”

Nayoung crawled over to get in the bath with Soonyoung. They were both fully clothed, and the bath was dry. Soonyoung lay on his back and allowed Nayoung to climb on top of him, straddling his stomach as she rested her head on his chest. He placed one hand on the back of her head and the other on the small of her back. They stayed like that for a while, the tendrils of alcohol creeping up their cheeks and making Soonyoung feel warm and heavy. Nayoung’s lips found Soonyoung’s jaw and he felt her breath on his cheek.

“It’s so nice,” she said, her mouth moving against Soonyoung’s skin.

He laughed, though he didn’t know what was funny. “What is?”

She hummed, the sound vibrating in Soonyoung’s jawbone. “Knowing that I love her. And that she loves me. And that nothing’s ever going to come between us or change the fact that we’re in love. And that we’re getting fucking married tomorrow.”

Soonyoung shut his eyes, enjoying Nayoung’s weight on top of him as he ran his fingers up her spine. “You two make an amazing couple.”

Nayoung snorted, her breath slightly wet as she did so. “You didn’t think that to start with.”

“Yeah, well, Kyulkyung stole my girlfriend.”

She chuckled lightly, tickling Soonyoung’ chin. “You got over it. And now you have Seokmin.” There was a pause as she thought. “Who by the way you’re fucking in love with.”

Soonyoung groaned. “No I’m not.”

“Shut up of course you are.”

Even though the bathroom they were in was on the other side of the house from the bedroom Soonyoung was sharing with Seokmin, and even though he knew Seokmin had been asleep for two hours, Soonyoung’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“I’m not and it’s making me feel like shit.”

Nayoung lifted her head, but Soonyoung couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

“What makes you think you don’t?”

Soonyoung shrugged as well as he could while lying in a bathtub. “I asked my friend Joshua what love feels like and what he said doesn’t match up.”

Soonyoung didn’t need to see Nayoung – he could feel her eye roll in the way she shifted on top of him. “Not everyone experiences love the same way, dumbass.”

Soonyoung hadn’t thought of that. He felt his heart speed up in his chest and decided to think about it when he was sober.

Nayoung left it there, sinking down to lie on him again. They cuddled in the bathtub for a while longer, struggling to take sips of the champagne and giggling as they spilled it on Soonyoung’s chest. Soonyoung had long lost track of the time when Seokmin cracked the door open and switched on the light.

Nayoung lifted her head and smiled at him, Soonyoung twisting beneath her to try and look at Seokmin, who appeared shocked and a little confused at the sight before him.

“Hey babe,” Soonyoung said, holding out the bottle of champagne and spilling it a little, “want some?”

Seokmin sighed and stepped into the room, taking the bottle from Soonyoung as he knelt quietly next to the bathtub. Nayoung watched Seokmin carefully as he took a few large mouthfuls of champagne.

“I’m not making out with your boyfriend, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Seokmin spluttered into the bottle a little, wiping his mouth and clearing his throat. He handed it back to Soonyoung, who took a strained sip himself.

“I was a little, yeah.”

Soonyoung laughed. “Nayoung’s way too gay to kiss me. Besides, she’s getting married tomorrow. Be a shame to mess it up this late in the game.”

Nayoung clicked and pointed at Soonyoung, taking the bottle from him as she sat up. Soonyoung rested his hands on her thighs as he watched her drain the last of the champagne. She put the empty bottle on the side of the bath, where soaps were meant to be held.

“What’s the time?”

Seokmin pulled out his phone. “Half past eleven.”

“Shit, Kyulkyung’s gonna be needy.”

Soonyoung laughed, a little strained as Nayoung used her hands planted on his chest to push herself up. “Aren’t you not supposed to share a bed the night before the wedding? Like bad luck and shit.”

“Yeah,” Nayoung shrugged, “but Kyulkyung is the clingiest person I’ve ever met and I love to indulge her.”

“Fair enough.”

Seokmin helped them both step out of the bath and Soonyoung immediately felt a lot more drunk than he had when he was lying down. Seokmin let him climb on his back and carried Soonyoung through the house, first dropping Nayoung off to her bedroom before continuing to their own. It took a little bit of manoeuvring, but Seokmin managed to gently set Soonyoung down on the bed without dropping him.

As he usually did whilst drunk, Soonyoung stripped himself of all his clothes and waited for Seokmin to join him in the bed, immediately attaching himself to Seokmin’s side and sloppily kissing his neck. Seokmin giggled a little, as he usually did when Soonyoung kissed his neck, and Soonyoung smiled into his skin. He nuzzled against Seokmin, his hum coming out as more of a purr. Seokmin wound his arm under Soonyoung’s neck and around his shoulders, holding him to his chest.

Soonyoung felt himself about to say something he would come to regret, but his mouth started working before he got a chance to tell it not to.

“Seokmin, you mean a lot to me. And I don’t know, maybe sometimes I don’t know how to express that without, you know, choking on your dick,” Seokmin snorted, “but you do mean a lot to me. In ways I guess I don’t understand or whatever.” Soonyoung laughed at himself, covering his face with his hands. “God I should shut up.”

Seokmin hushed him, rubbing his arm and pressing a kiss to the top of Soonyoung’s head. “It’s okay, baby. You have a big day tomorrow, try to get some sleep.”

“Okay, yeah that’s a good idea. Goodnight, Seokmin.”

“Goodnight, princess.”


	5. Chapter 5

The morning of the wedding Nayoung and Soonyoung were sporting light headaches that didn’t hurt, but made them feel a little out of sorts. Seokmin simply laughed at them, telling them that they had only themselves to blame.

“Yeah, thanks captain fucking obvious,” Nayoung snapped at him as her mother curled her hair.

“Nayoung, try to be polite to your wedding guests,” Nayoung’s mother said. She gave Seokmin an apologetic smile, which Seokmin responded to with an understanding one.

Soonyoung’s heart warmed and he reached out to take Seokmin’s hand. Seokmin took it and rubbed the pad of his thumb along the back of Soonyoung’s.

Despite their hangovers, Soonyoung and Nayoung didn’t hesitate to start on the champagne when it was presented at half past nine. Seokmin tried to scold them alongside Nayoung’s mother, but to no avail.

The wedding itself started at three in the afternoon, which gave Nayoung plenty of time to panic and insist that she needed to see Kyulkyung. Soonyoung persuaded her that it was definitely not a good idea to do that and went back on generations of traditions, and so instead they held hands through a doorway and whispered encouragement to each other through the key hole. When Soonyoung caught Seokmin’s eye briefly as Nayoung and Kyulkyung exchanged “I love you”s, Seokmin blushed deeply and looked away. Soonyoung felt his heart flutter and stop beating at the same time. He cleared his throat and pulled Nayoung away before she opened the door and started kissing Kyulkyung.

If someone had asked Soonyoung what the vows were like, he wouldn’t be able to tell them, as he cried throughout the entire ceremony. The beauty of it all got to him and he watched on through blurry eyes as his best friend finally married the love of her life. Nayoung gathered Kyulkyung up in her arms – quite literally bridal style – and carried her down the aisle. When Kyulkyung threw the bouquet over her shoulder, Soonyoung caught it.

Soonyoung held the flowers in one hand and used the other to mop at his face as he followed the crowd to the enormous dining hall inside the house that would be used for the meal and toasts. Seokmin joined him at his side, looping an arm around his waist and making him jump at the contact.

“Things that Soonyoung is a baby for,” Seokmin said, holding up a finger and adding another with each thing he listed, “me – of course – flying, and weddings.” He laughed as Soonyoung shoved him, then smiled down at him as he pulled Soonyoung back into him. “Do you have tissues.”

Soonyoung pouted. “No. I thought I would be okay without them.”

Seokmin laughed again, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a small packet of tissues and held it out to Soonyoung, who fumbled with the packaging a little before he could pull one out.

“Thanks, babe.” Soonyoung blew his nose after dabbing under his eyes.

“No problem baby,” Seokmin said, an edge of fondness as he kissed Soonyoung’s temple. “You ready to give your speech?”

Soonyoung gave a splutter of a laugh, wincing a little as he felt his heels sink into the lawn. “I’ve been ready for years.”

“Good. Because that dress is incredible on you and I wanna fuck you in it as soon as you’re done.”

Soonyoung laughed, stepping away from Seokmin’s hold to pose for the photographer. It was best men and bridesmaids – himself, Kyulkyung’s brother and three of their mutual friends from university – along with the two brides. Soonyoung continued the conversation as he got into position.

“Even at a wedding?”

Seokmin’s laugh rippled through his entire body as he threw his head back and clapped. “ _Especially_ at a wedding.”

Nayoung quirked a brow at Soonyoung and he shrugged in response. “He wants to pound me.”

She gave a smug smile as she looked at the camera. “How romantic.”

 

Soonyoung’s confidence in his speech slowly waned as other people gave theirs; Nayoung’s father who said he would give up a thousand sons if it meant he could keep Kyulkyung in his life, her mother who said she would happily take the place of Kyulkyung’s own. Kyulkyung’s brother, who had given her away and said he would protect Nayoung for as long as she would love his sister. By the time it was Soonyoung’s turn, his palms were sweating and his breath came in short bursts.

When he stood up, he felt Seokmin’s hand against his lower back, but for once it didn’t excite him. It grounded him and kept him anchored. He looked down at his boyfriend and felt his heart swell.

“Most of you probably know that Nayoung and I dated when we were seventeen. We were madly in love and I had even picked out the names for our children.” Nayoung groaned, sinking down in her seat as the rest of the room chuckled. “And so you can forgive me for being a little upset when Kyulkyung swooped in at the beginning of the school year and stole my girlfriend.” She beamed at him, blowing him a kiss that he caught and held to his chest. “I hated her for a while, honestly. But after a while, I saw how happy she made Nayoung. I saw how much fun they had together, and how she kept Nayoung constantly on her toes.”

Soonyoung paused. Bile burned in his chest. His ears rang and his vision blurred. The only thing in the world that he was certain of was Seokmin’s hand on his back.

He cleared his throat.

“How Nayoung would get excited just on the walk to school, just at the thought of being in the same building as Kyulkyung. And in return, Kyulkyung was nothing but good to Nayoung. Bringing her flowers and gifts and springing new fun adventures for them to go on together. I couldn’t stay mad at someone who treated my best friend better than I did.”

His own words rang in his ears; echoed and interchanged with words that told of warmth and comfort. They fell dead and cold against what he was saying himself about his best friend.

“I know I’m supposed to tell embarrassing stories about Nayoung – which I could easily do, by the way.” He looked directly at Nayoung, finding it in himself to smile. “Let’s not mention my sixteenth birthday.”

Nayoung groaned again, sinking further down as she blushed beneath her make up. “God, fuck you. I shouldn’t have made you best man.”

Soonyoung shrugged, reaching a hand back to grasp Seokmin’s fingers in his own against his spine.

“Point is; I didn’t want to focus on embarrassing stories about Nayoung getting drunk for the first time, or how we broke things when we were kids and went to extreme lengths to hide it from our parents, or about her angsting over if it was too soon to propose. Instead, I wanted to focus on how good and pure and wonderful her relationship is. How Kyulkyung has allowed her to grow into herself and her weirdly long arms.” Nayoung flipped him off, but Kyulkyung smiled and nodded in agreement. “Because that’s the point of all this; these two amazing women showing the world that there is still good in it. That love prevails through all things,” he squeezed Seokmin’s fingers, “and that in the darkest of times, when you’re dating the lamest boy in school and you’re a closeted lesbian; a tiny Chinese girl with the smile of an angel can come along and change everything.”

And then he remembered what Nayoung had said the night before.

_Not everyone experiences love the same way, dumbass._

 

Soonyoung counted to ten very slowly in his head after he sat down. Waited until the next speech had started, and then he quietly got up and walked calmly out of the room. As soon as he got out of the dining hall, he ran up the staircase in the foyer and down the landing to his bedroom.

He waited for a few minutes, pacing back and forth across the bare wooden floor. His heels clicked against the boards and rang in his head as he gripped at his hair; stiff with spray holding in the curls.

When the door handle turned Soonyoung nearly jumped out of his skin. Seokmin stepped into the room, eyes furrowed together with worry as he shut the door behind him and leant back against it.

“Is everything okay?”

Soonyoung held his breath for a moment before sitting down on the edge of the bed heavily. He wanted to cry or laugh or scream. Or all of them. Instead he sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Seok.”

He did end up crying, and Seokmin crossed to him in a second, kneeling down in front of him and placing a hand on his knee.

“Baby.” Soonyoung gave a small splutter. “Baby, what’s the matter.”

Soonyoung couldn’t raise his voice above a whisper. “You tried to tell me you loved me.”

All the colour drained from Seokmin’s face as he averted his eyes. “I didn’t.”

“Seokmin, it’s okay. Mingyu talked to me before we left, but I kinda knew already.”

Soonyoung’s heart broke as he saw Seokmin’s eyes welling up. “I shouldn’t have told him shit, fucking big mouth bean pole –”

“It’s okay, just, let me talk for a moment, please?”

Seokmin shut his eyes, dislodging a tear. He nodded.

“I wasn’t going to invite you to this because I thought you might get carried away with the romance of it all, you know. And you would’ve met my parents and I don’t know. Weddings feel very serious, and I told you that. But I was scared that you would tell me you loved me and I wouldn’t be able to say it back.” He sighed again, something that sagged his shoulders. “Shit my thoughts are all over the place, I’m sorry.”

Seokmin shrugged. “It’s okay, either way you’re about to break my fucking heart. Doesn’t matter how you do it.”

The words were so angry and hurt that Soonyoung felt a hot flood of tears come all over again.

“Joshua was wrong about love,” he managed after a heavy silence.

“What do you mean?”

“He said all this shit about it being warm, and being able to breathe.” Despite his crying, Soonyoung let out a wet breath of a laugh. “But it’s not like that, and that’s what my problem was. Because you set me on fire every time we touch and you make my palms all sweaty and I get a boner every time I even _think_ about your cologne. Shit, Seokmin, I’m drowning in you. But I love the way you fill my lungs and I think I want you to keep filling my lungs.”

Seokmin looked up at him, face nothing but confused and hurt. “What are you trying to say?”

“I think, um. I _know_ , now, that I love you too.”

There was another, leaden silence. Seokmin cleared his throat, but his voice still came out hoarse. “Are you sure?”

Soonyoung nodded. “I’ve been like, comparing how I feel about you to what Joshua said but then Nayoung pointed out that people experience love differently, you know? And you had your hand on my back and there’s a lot of water metaphors going on but I think you’re the ocean and the anchor, you know?”

Seokmin smiled broadly even as his eyes still glistened. “Not really. Maybe. God, Soonyoung, I thought you were going to break up with me.”

Soonyoung laughed. “One of the comparisons had me think about that for all of two seconds and it made me want to die. No, Seokmin, I love you too much to let you go.”

Seokmin rose from the floor and moved to straddle Soonyoung’s lap, holding his face and kissing him vehemently, breaking the kiss only to murmur; “That’s fucking gay.”

Soonyoung wrapped his arms around Seokmin’s waist and pulled their bodies closer together. His stomach was bubbling like he’d had too much champagne and Seokmin’s thighs against his burned his skin. He bathed in the feeling, tilting his head so that he could kiss Seokmin more deeply. He was so carried away with the relief of being in love that he didn’t notice Seokmin grinding against him until he was sporting a semi and Seokmin detached his mouth from Soonyoung’s to moan next to his ear.

Soonyoung bucked his hips up, gripping onto Seokmin’s thighs. “I thought this moment would be more romantic, not gonna lie.”

Seokmin laughed as he stood up and pushed Soonyoung to lie down with a hand on his chest. “I distinctly remember telling you I was gonna fuck you after your speech.” He nudged at Soonyoung’s side and Soonyoung flipped over to lie on his stomach. “And now I get to tell you I love you while I do it? That’s enough to get anyone going.”

Soonyoung huffed as Seokmin grabbed his hips and yanked them up so that he was on his knees with his face pressed into the mattress. “I guess that is kinda romantic.”

“It’s romantic as fuck.” Seokmin pushed Soonyoung’s skirt slowly up his thighs and over his ass, carefully dragging his underwear down his legs and dropping them to the floor.

Soonyoung couldn’t see much from where he was lying down, but when he tried to crane his neck to look at Seokmin, a hand pressed his face harder into the mattress before pulling his hair. He gave a huff of frustration, but didn’t fight it and instead arched his back to give Seokmin better access to his ass.

He first felt a finger tease against his hole, then a ghosting breath, and then Seokmin was giving him teasing licks that made him whine against the bed sheets. Seokmin gripped the back of Soonyoung’s thigh with one hand, while the other moved to stroke gentle lines against Soonyoung’s taint. Soonyoung quickly started sweating and felt himself hard against his own stomach.

Eventually, Seokmin’s tongue got harder and more insistent as it tried to wiggle its way inside him. The hand brushing his taint moved to grip his dick and started pumping it firmly, making Soonyoung sag into the touch. The hand moved from the back of his thigh to his ass cheek, spreading it to give Seokmin better access.

The combination of Seokmin’s hands and mouth was too much too soon and Soonyoung felt his orgasm approaching at an incredible speed.

“Seok,” he panted against the linen, feeling spit transfer onto the sheets, “Seok I’m gonna come.”

At this, Seokmin immediately stopped. He stood up and Soonyoung’s legs gave out, slamming him down onto the mattress where he ground pathetically against the bed. Seokmin chuckled when Soonyoung gave a squeak of a moan.

“Baby.”

It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement. It was just Seokmin breathing the word in a fond and arousing way that made Soonyoung sigh and pull himself back up onto his knees.

“Please?”

Seokmin grunted in response and Soonyoung’s heart jumped as he heard Seokmin unbuckle his belt. He heard him open the bedside table drawer and close it again, heard the cap of a bottle being popped, heard Seokmin groan as he lubed himself up.

The lube was cold as Seokmin poured it directly onto Soonyoung’s hole, and it made him jump a little. Seokmin made quick work of preparing Soonyoung, and by the sounds he was making, he was also pumping himself as he did it. His tongue joined the mix once he got to two fingers; sneaking between them and licking into Soonyoung in a way that made his toes curl.

When Seokmin removed his fingers, Soonyoung’s skirt fell back down over his ass. Seokmin pushed it back with his thumbs, holding onto it with both hands on Soonyoung’s hips as he slid into him. Soonyoung let out a high whine as Seokmin gave one of his musical moans – the ones that Soonyoung played on a loop whenever he showered. He gave Soonyoung a few moments to adjust, but stayed still when Soonyoung started pushing himself back against him.

“Seokmin,” Soonyoung said, breathlessly, “please, I need this.”

“Fuck back, baby.”

Soonyoung moaned, but did as he was told. He thrust his hips back into Seokmin, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could get better movement. After a while, he built up enough momentum to push himself back harder and faster, the slap of his skin against Seokmin’s loud in the small room.

Suddenly and with no warning, Seokmin’s grip tightened and he started pounding into Soonyoung so hard that Soonyoung’s elbows gave out and he collapsed onto the mattress. Each thrust had him move another inch forward as he scrambled for purchase on the bedsheets. He scrunched his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, and with all his focus on the singular movement, he arched his back.

Instantly Seokmin was hitting his prostate, causing Soonyoung to let out a scream that he muffled with the mattress. He clenched around Seokmin, who fell forward onto his back so that they were plastered together with sweat. He continued thrusting into Soonyoung, and it wasn’t long before the came together, Soonyoung shooting off onto the bed sheets untouched and Seokmin grunting out “I love you” as he bit into Soonyoung’s shoulder.

Seokmin pulled out and fell onto the bed next to Soonyoung, who rolled over and attached himself to Seokmin’s side. Seokmin hummed a smile as he looped an arm around Soonyoung’s shoulder and pulled him closer, rubbing the backs of his fingers up and down Soonyoung’s upper arm.

“I’m so glad I have you in my life,” Seokmin said breathlessly. He nuzzled his face against Soonyoung’s neck, tickling him with his hair. His arm moved further down between Soonyoung’s back and the mattress. He was still wearing his shirt, although it had cum stuck to it and he would have to change. “I’m so glad Mingyu persuaded me to ask for your number. God, I love you so fucking much.”

Soonyoung’s heart swelled, and maybe he did know what Joshua meant with all the warm stuff. Maybe it was the fact that he’d just nutted.

“You make me so happy, Seokmin.”

Seokmin hummed against his skin. “I feel like everything that’s ever happened to me has just been a prologue to meeting you.”

Soonyoung kissed the top of his head. “I love you.”

He could feel Seokmin’s smile in his voice. “I love you too.”

 

After they cuddled for a while and changed into their reception clothes, they finally made their way back to the wedding. Seokmin went off to embarrass himself on the dance floor with Kyulkyung’s (very straight) brother while Soonyoung found Nayoung by the cake.

She jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at it. “You missed cake.”

Soonyoung pouted. “I was too busy giving Seokmin cake.”

She grimaced. “I don’t even want to know what that’s a euphemism for.”

Soonyoung laughed heartily, wrapping his arms around her torso form behind and kissing the side of her neck. “We said I love you to each other.”

Nayoung pressed her cheek on his as Kyulkyung joined them. “Glad you got over yourself and figured that one out.”

Kyulkyung put one arm around Soonyoung’s back and one around Nayoung’s front. She let out a sigh. “You better watch out that you don’t lose him to my brother.”

When Soonyoung looked over to where Seokmin was dancing, Seokmin immediately met his eyes and flashed him a wide smile. And in that moment, Soonyoung lost all doubt and worry he’d ever felt about anything in his love. He was certain that he was in love with Seokmin, certain that he wanted to spend at least another year being in love with him, and that he would deal with the heartbreak a thousand times if it lead him to Seokmin every time. He turned to Kyulkyung.

“I don’t have anything to worry about.”


End file.
